Not so long ago, The Sunday Times published the UK Rich List 2008. Not surprisingly, the wealth of others was something that provoked a plethora of comments. How do you feel about wealthy people, what opinions do you have? You may be surprised to discover that your opinions will be a reflection of your own wealth experience.

Many of us are feeling the effects of the credit crunch, described by journalist Brian Reade as a euphemism for “rampant avarice gone wrong”. When times are difficult, we tighten our belts and cut back on things; giving shouldn’t be one of those things. Giving is an expression of our gratitude for the things we appreciate in our lives. So when times are hard, perhaps that’s the best time to wise up about to whom, what, where, when and how we give.

Whilst I was reading the rich list, the headline ”Sharing their good fortune” caught my attention, it went on to say philanthropy is growing rapidly as the wealthy look to make a lasting impact. However, they aren’t just giving casual handouts they are bringing the same level of control to their giving that they do their wealth creation.

Large numbers of people give to help others, and they do it primarily through charities. We also give in other ways and I got to wondering… Can giving cause dependency? I know people have strong views about the welfare state and the dependency culture, but what about those seemingly random moments of giving? Do any of these seem familiar?

• Giving money to keep a crying child quiet
• Giving children pocket money, then paying for things that would be considered pocket money items
• Encouraging your child to save for their Nintendo DS, then buying it for them
• Paying for petrol, the car insurance for your teenager’s car
• Continuous lending of small amounts of money to your friend or partner which you never get back
• You go out with friends and often find yourself making up the shortfall when the bill arrives

If any of these scenarios seem familiar, stop for a moment and think about why you do what you do. What are you teaching your children; the importance of good boundaries, the benefits of budgeting, the value of saving? Or are you perhaps teaching them that their parents will always bale them out? So there is no need to budget, to save, to take responsibility.

With regard to friends and partners, what is your giving doing? Is it encouraging them to spend beyond their means, to lean on you, to avoid solving their problems? How are you teaching them to treat you?

For one week, make a note of the times you found yourself in any of the scenarios described above. Write down what you did, why you did it and how you felt. The following week, given that you will be more aware of your behaviour, make a decision to do something different. Again, make a note of what you did and why and describe how you felt. I did this and I was shocked at what I found. I felt that I was responsible for the security of others, so much of my giving was based on trying to make people feel safe.

What did you discover about yourself, your behaviour around giving? what does your giving say about you?

When we give, we often want to help; to make things better for the people we love, the friends we care for. But we also need to be mindful not to take people away from the lessons that they need to learn. These lessons help them to grow, to establish values or to simply stand on their own two feet.

This post appears in The Money Hacks carnival at Mrs Nespy’s blog